It's been months since I've written, partially due to busyness and partially to laziness. Tonight I grabbed my laptop to journal and pray because my heart has felt so disconnected from God lately. But I know that feelings are fleeting, emotions are not truth; God is truth. So I decided I would praise Him for all that He has given me and remind myself of TRUTH. The following is my prayer from my journal, a reminder of all the blessings in my life and that God will never leave me despite how I'm feeling. I owe everything in my life to Jesus.
My wonderful Father in Heaven,
Lord, THANK YOU, from whom ALL blessings flow. Thank you for all the wonderful gifts in my life. Thank You first and foremost for my salvation. Thank You for redeeming my life from the pit when I rebelled from the Most High and went my own way. Thank You for using my brokenness to bring other women to You. Lord, thank You for the opportunity to lead Alpha Chi’s Bible study last year. Thank You for that season of fruitfulness. Lord, thank You for this season of dryness. I say that half heartedly- with tears in my eyes because I don’t like it. I’m fighting it, but I know that You have not abandoned me. You promise to never leave nor forsake me. You promise to be my Father, my Lord, my Shepherd, my Protector, my Redeemer, my Friend, and my Comforter.
So I will continue to Praise You. I will praise You for the blessings in my life and trust You in the confusion of seasons of change. Lord, thank You for Alpha Chi. Thank you for the amazing women that You have blessed me with. Thank You for my best friends who pointed me to You and continue to love me so well. Thank You for my family. Thank You for redeeming my relationship with my mother, father, and sister. Thank You for bringing salvation to my mother and sister. Thank You for my family members who encourage me to pursue You. Lord, thank You for Kitty and Joel. Thank You for the impact they’ve had at USC and the impact they’ve had on my life. Thank You for Cru as an organization that is reaching out to offer hope to students like me. Thank You for Midtown, my wonderful church family. Thank You for getting me plugged in and allowing me to live life in such an intimate community. Thank You for the opportunity to serve and plan College Fall Retreat. Thank You for the baptism service where I got to see redemption from the Girls Night Out event from a year ago. Thank You for Paige and Dendy’s salvation and redemption. Thank You that I never lack any good thing. Thank You that for my job with SmartphoneMedic that you miraculously provided.
Lord, thank You so much for John. Thank You for a man who loves You deeply. Thank You for a man who is passionate about sharing the gospel with college students. Thank You for a man who fights for my purity and wants to honor me and push me towards You. Thank You for a man who shows me a tremendous amount of grace and preaches the gospel to me. Thank You so much.
Jesus, thank You for the desire of my heart to do college ministry. Thank You for providing that opportunity through Cru. Thank You for my family who is increasingly more supportive and encouraging about it. Thank You for giving me a peace and confidence that You will provide for me beyond all that I can ask and imagine. Lord, thank You for my wonderful roommates. They are just incredible. Thank you for reuniting me with Julia and rekindling our friendship. Thank You for Laura and the passionate heart you’ve given her. Thank You for Catherine and her radiant joy. Thank You for our lovely yellow house that has become such a haven.Thank You for my Lifegroup that has shown me what gospel centered friendship looks like.
Thank You for YOUR SON, JESUS. Thank You for His death on my behalf. Thank You for atonement of my sin. Thank You for sacrificing on my behalf. Thank You for adopting me as Your daughter, though I did nothing to deserve it and actually deserve to be disowned. You are a gracious God, full of love and mercy. Thank You for Your loving kindness towards men. Thank You for this new life You’ve given me. Thank You for restoring my joy. Thank You for pursuing me when I try to run the other way. Thank You for not letting me go. Thank You for comforting me and giving me wisdom in difficult situations. Thank You for being my only Hope. You are my rock, my fortress, my God. Thank You Jesus. Please help me to love You more genuinely. That is my utmost desire. Amen.