Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Faith is Not a Feeling...

My apologies for neglecting this blog. I can't believe my last entry was "Hello Houston" and now I've already been here for over three weeks! Crazy!  I definitely underestimated how busy I would be. I’ve been really homesick this past week. I guess three weeks is my maximum to go without seeing my family and friends. Plus winning a back-to-back National Championship title in baseball had my heart aching to be in Columbia! Don’t get me wrong, my internship is great. I sincerely look forward to going to the office each day and working with the other interns. Let me see if I can give you a quick update.... I'm almost finished putting together & editing the resources for "A Sorority Girl's Guide to Living for Jesus" book (the title is still up in the air, suggestions are welcome!) Next week I'll begin to focus on compiling the database of addresses of sorority chapter's nationwide. Not the most fun task in the world, but someones gotta do it. 

This past weekend I took a road trip to College Station, home of Texas A&M, which is where my mom went for 3 years of college. I went to visit my cousin KT who I haven't seen in over 3 years! She's only a year younger than me, so we get a long great. I'm basically a completely different person (thanks to Jesus) than I was when she last came to visit my Senior year of high school. It was great sharing with her what God has been doing in my life and hearing about what's going on in hers. It was a relaxing weekend... finally got to work on my tan! Monday, I went to Mallory's (another intern) house for 4th of July festivities. I seriously love the 4th, its so much fun! Country music, good food, great friends, enjoying the summer sunshine, celebrating AMERICA! yay! It's the best. I was homesick though... I can't remember a 4th of July when I wasn't on Lake Murray with my friends and fam, but I still had a great time with new friends.

I'm learning a lot. I'm learning that ministry is hard. I knew that already, but now I'm learning the daily reality of making a choice to give Jesus 100% even when you don't feel like doing something. That is the main thing I'm learning: that faith is not a feeling. Funny how God works...the bible study I taught all last semester was called "Faith is Not a Feeling", a book by Ney Bailey. I guess He was teaching it to me all last semester in order to prepare me for this summer. I've said it to other people a million times, but I can't seem to get it through my own head... "Faith is not a feeling!". Faith is taking God at His word.  We can't depend on our feelings. 

 I know that I love Jesus deeply, and that my heart's desire is to serve Him with my life... but I don't feel like that every day. The "butterflies" of a new love are much less common recently. I'm a very emotionally based person... I cry when I'm happy, mad, sad, or whatever. When I hear about someone else's struggles, I feel for them deeply. You get the picture. However, I've come to realize that feelings do not dictate my love for God. To be honest, I want the butterflies back. I want the first love feelings forever because they're warm and fuzzy, and who doesn't like warm and fuzzy? But that's not how it works in any relationship. Relationships built on feelings are shallow and fade fast. I'm learning a new kind of love for Jesus. A love that requires a lot of trust. Trusting that He is growing my faith and deepening our relationship even though I don't have butterflies. It's good, this new level of faith. 

If you'd like to pray for me, I would really appreciate prayers against homesickness. I don't want to miss out on everything that God has for me here because I'm too preoccupied with missing home. It's been distracting me a lot in the last few days. I really want to enjoy my time here and the opportunities that God has blessed me with! Thanks! Let me know how I can be praying for you :)